Letting Go.

Letting Go. Letting go quite literally means the act of freeing something; withdrawing hold. While in its simplest terms it may imply the obvious act of letting go of say the door you're holding; most often it may lead to a more emotional and a deeper implication.

This term is so often used in our day to day lives that we don't even realize. Sometimes by a rebellious teenager in fury wanting the freedom to decide - "Let go off me, mum and dad"; sometimes by a lover or a friend and sometimes it just meaning letting go of a memory.

As time passes, we all have to do this. Sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly. As kids we've all felt that sadness when we've lost our favorite blanket we slept with or a toy. As adolescents we've hurt ourselves in losing that best friend or even just a crush.
The transformation from a child to an adult and then till the time death takes the best of us, we are all leaving something behind- innocence, love, memories, things, loved ones, etc. I guess that's the reason why we quite often say, "Life moves on."

In its philosophical meaning for most people what it means is to let go of their loved ones through the dying process. And for most the image of holding their loved one comes to mind (an image that supports the paradoxical nature of letting go) when thinking of this term.

"Let it go. If its meant for you, it will come back."
Quite a common quote. Most of us have read or heard of it somewhere or the other. They say letting go means not to cling to your emotions about anything.
I see people very frequently holding onto pain. Most of us do so. Sometimes we are just not able to let go of the thought of the person we've lost. We cling to that pain of loss. Many a times people don't even realize that they haven't been able to free themselves from that experience even after several years. We hold onto grudges- consciously or unconsciously.
If you aren't thinking about it, its there in your conscious- how you lost that person, or how you had to part from something or how something or someone hurt you. Its always there.

So what's so bad about holding on to these memories? What's bad is that you're never able to completely free yourselves. You can't open yourself fully to new experiences. You may think you are able to, but your subconscious involuntarily starts a defense mechanism.

Letting go is not always a bad thing. Infact it can be a freeing experience. It makes you more alive; it let's you love fully (among other things).
We all have fell that joy when as kids we let the balloons free in the night sky. That's what you can make of it and feel the same joy.
So let go. Let that pain, the memories, the grudges go. Free yourself. And feel alive.

The Other Side.

              "Too many people grow up. That's the real trouble with the world, too many people 
         grow up. They forget. The don't remember whats it like to be 12 years old. They patronize."
                                                                              - Walt Disney

Growing up. Two words that are used often. We use them in various situations- sometimes in anger, sometimes in hope of the future, sometimes while reminiscing about the past.
Never do we really think and ponder over the meanings behind the words and the phrases commonly used by us or on us. But usually that's a good thing. Sitting and analysing every little thing might not be such a good idea.

As kids, we'd all wanted to grow up. "Being an adult would feel so cool." You can drive. Drink. You don't have curfews to meet or homework to finish. That's what we'd imagine. But as adults, every body wishes they could go back to being a kid. Life was so much more easier then. You weren't expected to be responsible then. How one misses games of hide and seek, lock and key. The best thing was the fact we had the luxury of making mistakes. Now, we live a life with no teachers and yet every little mistake may have a big consequence. In the simplest of words, I'd put it as, "The other side of the fence is always greener."

A while ago I randomly happened to watch a certain Swami Parthasarthy's interview while browsing through different channels. These days with uncertainties rising in every sphere of life many of us turn to god or to 'gurujis' to find answers and happiness. Anyway he said something very very simple that we all know but fail to acknowledge. The gist of it is:

He was asked, "Why are we unhappy?"
We are because we are always unsatisfied. We're always looking for something more in life. And in that search we forget to see what we already do have. For example, in the summer season people wish for winter. But when winter comes, people wish for spring. We know the nature will take it's course yet we lust for something else and in that search we fail to enjoy what we have.

Very simple and very true.

As we grow up, we begin to learn things that may contradict to the beliefs imbibed in us through our formative years. Is that tragic? There be several things. For one, we all believe in happy endings. And we all believe that we'll find our perfect little world that we imagine. That's maybe because of the fairy tales we read as kids. But as you grow, you realise it's not really easy to find that perfect world. Sometimes impossible. And in that you start adjusting to things rather than questioning the wrong.
Another thing is that as kids  we are taught and feel that an adult can't be wrong. Your father can't make mistakes. Or your grandmother has full knowledge on whats wrong and whats right. But gradually we begin to realise that everyone in this world will disappoint you at some point of time. Whether it's your parent or your spouse or your best friend, sibling or grandparent. And you'll probably do the same.If one comes to think of it initially when this realisation dawns upon self, it can be a little disappointing. No not disappointing, rather I can't find the word for that particular feeling. But somehow it gives birth to a tiny voice inside you, telling you, you have to figure the world on your own.

            "The day the child realizes that adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; 

   the day he forgives them,  he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise."

                                                                          - Alden Nowlan

I would say, everyday, everybody is making mistakes. Everybody is finding answers. Everybody is learning, figuring out what they want out life. Everybody is still growing up.

Toh Zinda Ho Tum..

"Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya
Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai
Duniya mein yunhi hota hai
Yeh jo gehre sannate hain
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain
Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai
Kyun tu aise pal khota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai..."

"Ik baat honton tak hai jo aayi nahin
Bas ankhon say hai jhaankti
Tumse kabhi, mujhse kabhi
Kuch lafz hain woh maangti
Jinko pehanke honton tak aa jaaye woh
Aawaaz ki baahon mein baahein daalke ithlaye woh
Lekin jo yeh ik baat hai
Ahsas hi ahsas hai
Khushboo si hai jaise hawa mein tairti
Khushboo jo be-aawaaz hai
Jiska pata tumko bhi hai
Jiski khabar mujhko bhi hai
Duniya se bhi chupta nahin
Yeh jaane kaisa raaz hai..."

"Pighle neelam sa behta ye sama,
Neeli neeli si khamoshiyan,
Na kahin hai zameen
Na kahin aasmaan,
Sarsaraati hui tehniyaan pattiyaan,
Keh raheen hai bas ek tum ho yahan,
Bas main hoon,
Meri saansein hain aur meri dhadkanein,
Aisi gehraiyaan, aisi tanhaiyaan,
Aur main...Sirf main.
Apne hone par mujhko yakeen aa gaya."

"Dilon mein tum apni
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Nazar mein khwabon ki
Bijliyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise
Aazad rehno sikho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise
Lehron mein behna sikho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo
Khole apni bhaayein
Har ek pal ek naya samha
Dekhen yeh nigahaein
Jo apni aankhon mein
Hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum"

"Because I Have Something Worth Living For."

Last Scene: Harry, Ron and Hermione stood at the King’s Cross Station. And they focus on the three faces as the movie ends. That’s the closing shot. It manages to say so much to a fan who has lived through and grown up watching them, reading about them. I’m left misty eyed then. That’s the moment when it actually hits you – IT’s OVER.

A journey that started on 30^th June 1997 draws to an end in 15^th July 2011, fourteen years later. It’s been an epic journey, to say the least. What started as a two-three hundred fantasy novel turned into a worldwide phenomenon. Every time a Harry Potter book or a movie released, the sale reached a record high. Every single time. I don’t think anybody, even Rowling herself, could have foreseen this in those early days.

Like a million others, I too have grown up as the series progressed. I remember when the first movie released; we had a spare ticket and had wanted to sell it off. But we were sure that no one will buy a single ticket, that too at the last minute. But when we reached the theatres, there were hundreds ready to buy even that single ticket! That was just the beginning of what later became more than just a rage.

Every time a movie released, I had to go for the first day first show. School, exam, nothing could stop me. I remember being yelled at by my teacher for skipping a math test for a movie. I remember her words. She said, “All your priorities are mixed up. No movie is more important than a math test!” I obviously thought otherwise. Similar incident happened in the 10^th grade. I had a board assignment presentation on the release day. But I convinced the teacher that I had a doctor’s appointment and hence couldn’t come to school that day. Every movie was watched at least thrice in the theatres, to say the least. I had all the walls in my room covered with Harry Potter posters. After the release of every movie, I would ask the PVR people to give the posters, the face masks, everything they had.

Books were a different thing. Books were pre-ordered months before their release. And the wait and the anxiety before getting hold of the copy would be so intense. I remember the day the book had to be released; I would go to the mall at some 4 a.m. and stand. Hundreds would come. We all would be standing queues, dressed up in robes with scars on our four heads. Till some 10 a.m. Hours of wait made no difference because the excitement of getting to hold and to read that book was pure priceless! When deathly hallows was released in 2007, I was fifteen. Everybody was reading the book at their max speed as the most important questioned loomed large. Who will die- Harry or Lord Voldemort? I remember reading the book at the slowest possible speed. I didn’t want it to get over. NO. No. No. It was as if every word was savoured when read. Every emotion was felt so deeply. Tears were shed when Fred died or when we all learned the truth about Snape. Anger when Mad –eye Moody was killed. Happy tears when Albus Severus Potter joins Hogwarts – a feeling of déjà vu. A hope that it may start all over again.

July 15^th’11: When the Deathly Hallows Part 2 released, for the first time I broke my tradition of not watching the first day first show. I delayed watching it as much as I could. My father would jokingly say, “You’re not a loyal fan anymore.” That wasn’t true. I delayed watching it because I didn’t want it to end. No, not at all. It seemed like as if once I saw the movie, Harry Potter series would be over, for good. And that wasn’t something I or I’m sure a million others were looking forward too even though we couldn’t wait to watch it.

A lot of my friends, rather my closest friends are not Harry Potter fans. The make fun of me for loving it so much. I’m not a person who enjoys or finds books about magic and fantasy interesting. This series has been the only exception. And has been loved by me the most. A lot of people find the movies ‘lame’ because they haven’t read the books so obviously for them a boy  and a man without a nose supposedly trying to kill each other with two thin wooden sticks with colored fireworks popping out really doesn’t look intelligent. But the point is, They haven’t read the books so they don’t know what it’s truly about.

There was a reason why every book was read a million times over and over again. There was a reason for the rush to see the movies. There is a reason for the sadness of it all getting over. The reason why billions of people – from 7 year olds to 80 year olds- love it and it isn’t just about magic. It’s about love, friendship, anger, loneliness, helplessness, evil things, cruelty, unfairness, magic, hope and everything that we non-magical MUGGLES feel. It’s about the hope we all have of finding the good over the fact that life or people have been unfair. It’s about GOOD over EVIL.

             Lord Voldemort: "Why do you live?"

             Harry Potter: "Because I have something worth living for."

Aren’t we all suckers for happy endings?

I think JK Rowling is purely a genius for having the outstanding ability for thinking and imagining such stuff. The fact remains, even though it’s getting over and we’re all left heart-broken, the series is going to live in every fan’s heart. Cause most of us have over a decade’s life and memories attached to it.

So yeah, Harry, Ron, Hermione and the secrete wizarding world is truly going to be missed. L

Through My Lens : Deep Waters.

What one Rain can do to a very posh Golf Course Road of the Millennium City.

To the Prime Minister of India.

Respected Sir,

Dr. Manmohan Singh- the name stands for the most powerful position of our country- the PRIME MINISTER of India. You have been labelled as our only honest politician. Someone who works extremely hard at the age of 78 for his country, one of the greatest economists of India and yet the most humble, the nicest human beings.

Yet, today, things seem to go wrong. Everywhere- news papers, news channels, internet- I see criticisms against you. Lot of people have complaints. Corruption, Inflation, 2G scam, CWG scam, etc etc. Some say that you’re being controlled by Ms. Sonia Gandhi, others use phrases like ‘Lame Duck’.

On 20^th February 2011 an article in the Times Of India titled, “THE END OF AN AURA’ used phrases like a puppet prime minister who is using coalition as an excuse; failed to control inflation; corrupt cabinet and so on.  Questions like – Has Manmohan Singh lost the plot? – are being asked today. ‘A quiet man who is lonely at the top.” “I’m not that big a culprit as is being made out.” “The man who just last year was on the Time’s magazine’s power list seems to be losing his halo.”

When your leadership skills are being questioned and such awful things are being said about you, I’m hurt and extremely saddened.

You have been my idol and my inspiration since forever; since the time I had enough sense to decide for myself. I am an Economics student. When most take up this subject because of its value and future prospects, I took it up for the love of the subject. I wanted to grow up and be like you. When I read about you, I decided if I can be even a bit as smart and as humble a human like you, I’ll call it a success.

I know at this point of time a lot many hurdles have diseased our country. With the Lokpal Bill rampage, hue and cry over corruption and an ever increasing inflationary rate; we live in difficult times. We live in the times of scams and lies. With every fuel price hike or an interest rate increase, the efficiency of the government is questioned. I won’t say that’s wrong because I myself see and experience the ordeals we face today. I realise how difficult it is to survive today with the increasing prices. I see how thanks to the corruption, all the money of the tax payers that could’ve helped in these troubled times are pocketed by a few people. I mean, that money which is pocketed could easily be used to give a higher fuel subsidy and hence control over all inflation. We see everyday how people with money can bribe their way to grow whereas an honest worker is still stuck at the bottom as he can work hard but can’t bribe. Every day, sure is a struggle.

But I don’t see how these issues can be used to put up a Congress versus BJP argument. We all know that, had BJP been in power, things would have been no better. I feel when people are living in hard times; it’s a common nature to blame because it gives us a hope that the other can solve our problems. I agree when people say the government can do a lot to help its people. It’s completely true. But I don’t agree when one man – you alone – are blamed for it. I can only imagine how hard it is to run a coalition. Not just coalitions, we all know how our political system works. If one man alone could change things, India wouldn’t have been a multi party democracy. It would have been something close to a dictatorship. Yes, you are the Prime Minister. And yes, it’s your government but we all know you’re also bound to the majority. No bill can be passed without a majority in the Parliament so how can you alone change everything?

Another allegation is that you’re not television friendly and don’t communicate. And probably in response to that you held a discussion with five senior print journalists, recently. But that didn’t go too well either. The argument put forward is that in today’s times with so much technology and media spread all over, the Prime Minister should speak to the masses when addressing their concerns. Not to a handful. To a large extent that is true. Contrarily, I feel that the decision is with you. You choose to work rather than to talk on what SHALL be done. And really, if a person talks less you can’t hold it against him/her.

Basically, all I’d like you to know is that I support you. If at all it makes a difference, I believe in you when many don’t. You have been my idol and whatever people may say, I won’t believe that you’re being controlled or whatever. Because I know you wouldn’t hold the position of the Prime Minister if you knew that you can’t deal with the nation’s problems. Your economic policies in the 90s are the reason India has grown. It has become that strong a power because of the policies introduced by you. So how can someone who let to its growth let it all fall down in an instant?

Yours,

An Indian.

A Divine Intervention: Welcome Back, Curran :)

Year 2008: I happened to read about a road accident in the newspaper. Three teenage boys (Curran, Siddhant and Devyanshu)- exactly my age- had been killed while coming from a party late at night. The usual and a very cliched reason given in such cases is that the boys were under the influence of alcohol. Thats the impression usually given and the story is closed and forgotten. And these conclusions aren’t even based on facts.

If you happen to stay in Delhi and NCR, hearing about road accidents and drunk driving don’t really come as a surprise anymore. You hear about them every second day, to say the least.

But for some unknown reason this incident caught my eye and stayed with me. It was the month of June then. I hadn’t known any of the deceased and had never come across them. But yet there was something about it that I still can’t pinpoint. Time passed but I never forgot about this mishap. It was constantly there in me, nudging me.

Finally somewhere in late August I contacted Sumir Uncle (Curran’s father) through Facebook. And I asked for all the details which he very kindly shared with me through several emails. I convinced my friend and we decided to publish his story in our school newsletter.

When it was all done, we went to give him the first copy of the newsletter. Thus finally I met the family whose story had mattered to me so much. Meeting him and Gitika Aunty had a profound impact on me. I hadn’t seen such excruciating pain in someone’s eyes like I did that day. And believe me when I say that because I have seen a lot many sad things in my life too.

There I was sitting with someone who I hadn’t known at all and feeling their pain. Well a tiny little fraction of their pain, I would say. And even that overwhelmed me.

The immensity of that day changed me.

I prayed for Curran to come back to his family. They really needed him. Because these three years, the look on Sumir Uncle’s face everytime I saw him and the words he’d shared remained with me, fresh in memory.

I remember in every text and email that I received from him ended with, “Please pray for Curran to come back to his mom and I.”
Initially I was a little skeptical of that and talked about it to my mum. She told me to believe that he will come back with all my heart and pray. And he will come back. Everyone gets to experience miracles and this would be Gitika Aunty’s and Sumir Uncle’s.

Year 2011: Three years later, 27th May’11 at 8:30 a.m. that miracle happened. At 11:52 a.m. that day I received a text from Uncle saying Curran is back as two baby boys- Curran and Arjun. Reading that, I don’t remember feeling so many emotions at once as I did that moment. I was trembling- it seemed supernatural. I was beyond overjoyed yet I was crying. Everyone’s, Sumir Uncle and Gitika Aunty’s prayers had been answered.

When I visited them I was mesmerized to see the two little and beyond adorable miracles of life. And I said to myself, “Welcome to the world, Curran and Arjun. Welcome back Curran.”

I honestly had goosebumps then. And for a moment I just stood there and watched Sumir Uncle. That pain had been replaced by such overwhelming happiness. He was on cloud nine.

Watching him, three years later, I felt a fraction of his happiness. And even that overwhelmed me.

Its odd how I could feel so much for someone I hadn’t known at all. I don’t have reasons But all I know is I feel very fortunate to have shared their sorrow and their happiness. And yes, it has changed me.

27th May 2011. I feel even more closer to God. Because I witnessed nothing less than a miracle. And its him who in the first place directed me to them. And I know, Gitika Aunty and Sumir Uncle will always hold a very speacial place in my heart.

The Perfect Score.

SRCC cut-off reaches an unbelievable 100% cut off. Right from students and parents to the Vice Chancellor of Delhi University and Kapil Sibbal himself- there has been such a rage everywhere. The principal of the college is being questioned; how can the perfect score be a cut off for any college?

When there is such a hue and cry everywhere- on social networking sites, television, newspapers- I’m sure like everything this will die down in seconds. It already has started fading out. There are never any solutions that are worked on, only words for what is wrong.

I was a part of this hullabaloo last year. I was one of those who felt as if her dreams had died. As if my hard work was all in vain. I’m one of those people who feel very strongly about things. And have their goals chalked out very clearly right from the start. So for such a person not getting into the desired college and the desired course is not just a failed dream but is also about the whole life’s plan and focus falling out.

It’s not about Delhi University or SRCC. It’s not about North – South Campus or Economics honours. It’s about learning, it’s about capabilities and it’s about interests. In short it’s about revamping the whole system when it comes to Education. We all know that. We only heard words but never see any actions.

“Too often students are given answers to remember, rather than problems to solve”

Frankly, I don’t see how CBSE can decide what I’m capable of. Boards are based on luck and the checker’s mood. We all know that. So how can that decide whether I’m good enough to do BCom or to do English? Not just that. The curriculum is such that I can only be a good scorer if I am good at mugging up stuff. Whether I understand and learn anything does not matter. And maybe my aptitude is towards arts and not Science. How can marks tell that? Just because I happened to score less than a 90% doesn’t mean I ought to do arts.

Finishing with first year I have realised that it’s not just CBSE that has to be blamed. College is the same. Delhi University is the same. Same problems – mugging up, bad checkers, irrelevant syllabi, lack of practicality and exposure- it’s all the same here. Internal Assessment is a sham. Teachers are careless. They care more about strikes than they do about education. Coming to college has only made me conclude that this how it is. Our system is much much worse than what we think of it when we’re in school. It’s a bad bad world out there. Ironically, the world of education has become the world of shams and deals with everything but education.

       “Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand.”

I Survived. But I'm Not Okay.

“24 rapes in 3 months; 489 rapes in 2010 alone. 1,379 females abducted; 1 rape in every 18 hours.”
This is New Delhi for you.”
Where cities like Mumbai claim to be the financial capital of India and Kolkata the cultural capital,
Delhi takes the distinction of being called as the Rape Capital of India.
Several times questions regarding safety for women in the capital have been raised. Exactly how safe
are women in DELHI?
I am a woman in the city of Delhi. I am the daughter you see walking to college everyday in a hurry and ignoring the snide remarks of the people around. I fear walking alone or travelling alone. I look at ever passerby with suspicious eyes full of fear and hold on to the bottle of pepper spray my parents wouldn’t let me leave without. I am the wife you see standing at a bus stop encircled by random men. I am also the sister you see running to catch a DTC bus and being inappropriately touched – accidently - by the men around. I am the employee travelling in the metro up and down and I am also the mother going to buy grocery yet feeling like being on a mission. Even the closed vicinity of my car seems too unsafe and making through the distance between work and home seems like a great accomplishment every day. I fear wearing the clothes I like, fear going to the places I want to or the things I need to do.” 
In all these faces lies a similarity and that is FEAR. “
If you’re a female take a walk on any street in Delhi today. There is cent percent chance that you will be stared and/or whistled at and hear obscene remarks being made about you. You may be followed or have a car/bike encircle you. This is to say the least. The look in their eyes is enough to make you feel humiliated and disgusted. If you go through only this- well, today might just be your lucky day. There have been enough statistics published and news reports to prove what more happens.


      “Rape is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused.”

                                                                          -  Freda Adler

“30 year old woman abducted from Satya Niketan and gang raped. 5 year old girl raped and killed
in the National Capital. 19 year old girl shot dead in broad daylight on her way to college. BPO
employee gang raped in a moving cab and thrown on the railway track half dead. 77 year old woman
raped and beaten up by a rickshaw puller. “
These are just a few incidents. Thousands have happened and continue happening. And even more have never been reported. One in four rapes take place in Delhi. “Only 1 in 69 cases get reported”, admits Delhi Commissioner of Police, BK Gupta and out of which only 20% percent of these cases
result in the conviction of the accused.
Police patrolling is as inefficient and ineffective as it can be. And for these reasons incidents of gang rape in moving vehicles have become so frequent. Women are dragged and abducted in the vehicles, gang raped for 2-3 hours while cruising on the capital roads without any fear of being caught.


The city truly lives up to its name – THE RAPE CITY OF INDIA.